Letting Go

For the past months I have been getting up early and texting with my dear friend, Jane. Jane was an older lady in our church who was a new Christian, completely on fire for Jesus, and a very kind woman who loved me, loved my children, and was a constant source of encouragement and love. We started this texting Bible Study relationship when Jane was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and went down to Edmonton. On Friday, December 30, 2016 I began a ritual of including a study and a text to Jane. These were primarily meant to encourage her in a very difficult period of her life, but they evolved into her being my accountability partner because I knew she was counting on my texts to come through even on the days when she could not respond to me! 

Jane's journey was particularly difficult and she experienced much agony through her treatments as she suffered from both strep throat and pneumonia shortly after getting her feeding tube inserted. While receiving cancer treatments (radiation 5 times per week, and chemo once per week), she also contracted c. difficile. 

On February 4, 2017 I received a text from Jane's husband, Ron:

Thank-you Jodi, Ron here, Jane's cancer has spread and the Dr informed us Thursday that there is no cure. no hope. Jane wishes to die in Lac la Biche. I feel so sad for Jane, and Matthew, and myself and cannot phone or text without crying. Jane tries so, so hard every minute of every day. They love her in the hospital and treat her as kindly as she treats them. I let Matthew know on Friday. Thank-you for your love and prayers for Jane, and she looks forward to seeing you when she is back in LLB. Ron.

For the past weeks I have been going in to see Jane once per week for a quick visit and to say "good-bye" one more time. This week Wednesday I stopped in the hospital for a quick visit and was met by a sign on the door, "Please, no visitors". My heart dropped, I prayed, and turned away. I was unsure whether she was resting or if she was in her final days. 

These texts continued almost every morning until now. The text I wrote this morning is below, complete with the picture. 

Good morning, Dear friends. I hope you are both doing spiritually and emotionally well. Ron, I can't imagine how difficult all this is for you. This morning's text is an invitation of sorts to "test" God and his promises. My prayer this morning is that both of you can take a "taste test" and see how good God is through all of this - even on the darkest of days. He doesn't promise no dark days (those are a result of sin in the world); however, He does promise to walk through each one with us. 

Praying your day offers a taste of God's goodness somehow. Sent with much love.

And then I received this text in return:

Hi Jodi, thank you for your kindness. Jane is unresponsive now. I help with care and moving positions, all hopefully making her comfortable, but difficult with no feedback. You have been such a good friend to Jane. Thank-you again.

And like that, my Bible study texting with Jane is over... and I'm feeling at a loss. So, I created this blog. Maybe someday I will make it more public. For now, it is my Bible Study/processing blog.